finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
