You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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