Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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