So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
