I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
