I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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