so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
