I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
