maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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