Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
