I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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