I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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