peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
