walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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