did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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