I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
