he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
