What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
