hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
