It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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