Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
