my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
