Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The beer is more important than you right now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
