Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
