so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
