He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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