Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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