she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
