Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
vagina is talking i cant
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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