You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
