The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
