writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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