You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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