There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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