Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
