His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
