how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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