I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
