So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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