There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
