we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
