i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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