your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
