Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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