If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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