Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
