if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
