i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
