forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
