Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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