Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
