so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
