maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
