I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
