Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
