Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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