I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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