so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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