Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
