The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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