Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
