Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
