We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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