On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sext me about skeletons
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
