I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
