Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
